Emma took notes.
Even better, she's happy for me to share them here. One important thing to remember: what follows really is "just a personal take on what was said and not originally intended for publication". It's personal notes, for her own benefit--she wasn't covering it with her reporter-hat on. Still, if you're like me, I'm sure you'll lap it up.
Thanks Emma!
Emma's Notes:
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Book review
- "How to really love your kids" - basically
about showing your kids you love them by giving them: lots of eye
contact, lots of physical contact, and lots of focused attention.
[Panel Discussion on] "Beyond the primary years"
- When teenagers start telling you something stop what you're doing and give eye contact. Even if you're busy. For the sake of the relationship.
- Teenagers might raise some really important issue via a flippant or provocative comment. Sometimes you'll want to speak immediately but withhold judgement, even if you're freaking out! It's better to do more listening than talking, to ensure you keep the communication lines open. Let them put it out there, you can respond later. And a lot of their opinions will change on their own with time and experience (and mood/hormones!) anyway.
- In the same way you reflect on meeting goals at work, look back each week or month, and think about how much quality time you spent with each child and with the whole family. Especially if you work full time.
- Working Dads - make special time, eg be available for the kids from dinner till bed.
- Kids might not be home every night, that's life, but you can make it a given that, on the nights everyone IS home, you eat together and read some Bible together.
- "Peer pressure is only as strong as your family identity is weak". Also, peer pressure can be positive. Your kids can start trends as well as follow!
- If you don't have discipline sorted by the age of five, good luck when they're 15!
- Teaching some apologetics before the age of 15 is important to equip for questions they'll face in school and ask themselves.
[Address on] Thriving together as parents
- "Weed" out things that destroy marriage - any kind of addiction or abuse, spending beyond your means, being too busy, too stressed etc
- Don't let the sun go down on your anger.
- Keep a healthy distance from your in-laws!
- Never side against each other, eg. with your parents against your partner. You should be on the same team.
- Help each other, encourage each other, always look for ways to express your love to each other. Do things together!
- Marriage should be your most intimate relationship, marriage first, kids second (which is best for kids anyway). Kids love to see their parents cuddling on the couch after dinner, talking, showing affection, maybe even kissing (but won't admit it!).
- Our ultimate joy, satisfaction and delight should come from Jesus, not our spouse. To expect that from a human is a crushing burden they won't be able to bear = destined for disappointment.
[Panel Discussion on] Up to primary school
- You're never going to be a "perfect parent" - you might as well be a fun one!
- Communication and organisation can help you as a couple, eg. comparing diaries, looking at where you can help each other out.
- Keep time for your marriage, to have fun as a couple. Get a good babysitter. Do the things you enjoyed together before you had kids.
- Surround yourselves with other couples with strong marriages who you can talk to, lean on, learn from.
- Create positive family traditions, eg, Saturday morning pancakes, gingerbread at Christmas. Make a conscious decision to be fun parents. It's cool for kids to look back and say "we ALWAYS did X on holidays" or whatever.
- With punishment and discipline, decide what the non-negotiables are and be consistent. Eg. Stuff that would mean you're in trouble with the law as an adult - you're training them to be adults.
- They need you to follow up, to maintain boundaries when they test them, to demand respect.
[Address on] Raising kids as an act of hope
- Stay positive about people. Don't just think of them as an environmental problem!
- As Christians, we have something worthwhile to pass on to our children.
- When we arm them with what they need to navigate this world, we are planting someone in this world to work for its good. An agent of good!
- Are you hopeful? Do you have something positive to pass on?
